Last week I caught myself communicating with someone that I love dearly, in a not so loving way. I immediately felt it in my body and defended myself with manipulation. This vicious cycle spun out for a day or so and finally caught up with me in my morning meditation. I visualized myself in the same situation a day before and watched how I was talking and what I said. It was so clear to me that I was WRONG!!! There- I said it!!! I was WRONG and I had to admit it because my higher self cold busted me! Hahahaha!!
So now what?? I’m wrong and that doesn’t feel good either. Here is where the real work lies-the Shadow Work.
For many years, I projected and blamed anyone and everyone for my shortcomings. I was always a victim and everything was done “TO ME” I ran from my shadow self and in doing so, eventually my dark side took over.
This was brought to my attention by someone that I deeply respect and for some crazy reason-I listened.
Looking at the darkest and even unknown parts of who I am has been so terrifying and also so liberating.
This began with a yoga practice, where negative emotions began to move out of my physical body. I had no idea that yoga could do this but the word on the street was that yoga is a spiritual practice and not just exercise. This is exactly what it has brought to my life-SPIRITUALITY. Besides bringing me balance and flexibility, my crazy thoughts started to settle and I was learning to BE with myself. All parts of myself, the GOOD and the BAD. So this moving meditation gave me the gift of sitting meditation. This is where the magic happens and where we receive guidance from above. Meditation has given me clarity and an awareness of myself and of others that I never was able to tap into in the past. This is how I discovered my inner demons and began my work with them.
In this process of exploring my “shadow self” I have watched myself judging others when I am triggered by their actions or personality traits that I dislike. Being aware of these judgements forces me to look at WHY I am so triggered. There is something deep inside of me trying to emerge and be expressed- to grow and to heal. Maybe it’s anger, guilt, shame or fear-and it is only through judgement of others that it is shown to me. When these feelings arise,I sit with them, feel them and watch them pass. Eventually the beauty of what is underneath is shown to me.
In order to grow spiritually we must delve within and discover these buried pieces of our existence that we have ignored. This discovery can a beautiful source of emotional healing and lead you to your most fulfilling and authentic life.
Today and everyday I choose not to fear my dark side but to receive love and guidance from it.